I waited nervously for Dan to bring home the results of the latest MRI. The worst part of all of this is waiting for the latest development. But then you remind yourself that you will deal with whatever presents itself. Dan and I had a discussion the other day. It’s like it’s no longer just us in this relationship. It Dan and me and the Cancer.
Cancer/Kancer Dirty Rotten Lousy Lowdown Cancer Unwanted Visitor
- go screw yourself cancer- BEAT IT
I wanna pretend it’s all a bad dream. On some level maybe it is. Buddhism holds that this whole life thing we are in is just a drama, and old Shakepeare himself told us that "each is an actor playing his part".
Well, if I align myself with any "religion" it is Buddism. But then I hate systems and constructs. It just really comes down to Dan and me, and we are soo sad and he is trying so hard to be with all of this. And it hurts to watch.
Religion. Philosophy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s still hurts.
Cancer really pisses me off. I have lost five relatives and two good friends from this dread disease. Dan’s mother also died from cancer. I am no longer scared of it. I just hate it. I also do not trust it. One microscopic cell could be floating in the system and bam- metastasis. A prognosis is only that. Gotta work hard at living in the moment. No guarantee with the Big C. No guarantee with much really except our own attitudes.
The whole darned deal is this: There is no guarantee of anything in life. We each have one locus of control, and that is how we choose to deal with stuff. Personally, I have to jump into anything that comes up and grovel in it. I want to seek out all the dark corners and the bright ones too.
Marie Curie said, "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." In case you don’t know she and her husband were scientists. Think they discovered radium. Well, anyway even though all of this cancer study has often been scarier than a Stephen King novel, it proves Mrs. Curie’s point as true. I learned and was so surprised to know that even people who are diagnosed with distant metasteses can still be alive 10 years later. Look at Lance Armstrong. He had cancer in his liver and in his brain six years ago or so. The point is that the patient must know his disease and understand the parameters of the pathology of his cancer. He must know the stage. He must know the level of aggressiveness (the grade). All cancers are not created equal. That’s why a person absolutely must take possession of his pathology report and study every single aspect of it. It is the pathology of the cancer that determines prognosis. Just knowing the type of cancer and its stage is much less important than the actual cellular structure of the cancer.
So it looks as though Dan will be needing to have blood taken monthly and be ever vigilant because the doctors will not be. They are just too darned busy and overloaded especially the ones that are part of managed care organizations. That is why we are choosing to go out of network. It will cost us more, but there will be much more individualized care given to Dan’s case. Even so, he will need to be watching this thing like a hawk for the rest of his life, and God know I hope his life is a long one.
The MRI seems to indicate that the cancer may be outside of the prostate. Hopefully, not far. If it is, then the cancer is not in the "caught early" stage. Still very treatable, but much more high risk business here. I freaked for just a bit on this news. We’ve got the best we could find with Dattoli. One thing I learned in the hundreds of hours of research, is that it is the skill of the DOCTOR one must choose. One should NOT choose the facility. I also read that people spend more time shopping for a car than they do a doctor. One must research the doc, interview him/her and ask for patient references. Yes, shop for the doctor. Yeah, most of them do not like it, but hey baby that’s life in the fast lane. The internet has changed it all. And I also have read studies that confirm that the people who get the best medical care are the ones with the big bucks and/or the ones who conduct major research. Trust me, babe, the best docs are all over the internet if you search on sites that are NOT doctor sponsored. The best site I found for Pca is Don Cooley’s. He is a cool dude computer geek who got prostate cancer and created his own site. Real conclusive. Just takes donations. He lives in Silicon Valley.
Dan will have to have his prostate and area beyond radiated before the seed implants. Dattoli’s color doppler ultrasound is highly sensitive at picking up stuff that an MRI cannot . Few facilities have CDUS not even Moffitt Cancer Center. Go figure. Pays to research. Do not choose the facility. Choose THE DOCTOR.
I don’t trust anything until I have facts and piles of them. My Mom taught me this. She was smart and feisty. I’ve had lots of doctors totally turn off to me. Ask me if I care.