http://roontoon.com/blog My travels down the yellow brick road of prostate cancer. Tue, 27 Mar 2007 23:30:54 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en I am Daniel Rahenkamp and I was diagnosed with prostate cancer on 10/31/05. Halloween. Welcome to my blog about my travels down the trail of treatment for my prostate cancer. The story starts in August, 2005 and works it's way back to present time . Use the calendar on the ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=31 Yesterday I went down to the Dattoli Cancer Center to see Dr. Sorace for my one year since seeds exam. Paula has been nervous about this appointment when she heard that my PSA had gone up to .2 from .0125 since my last test in September. I really was not ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=184 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying, that has always been one of my favorite quotes from The Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne tells Red to get busy living or get busy dying. I have been doing that since my last post, at least the get busy living part. I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=183 One year ago today, on Halloween it was Trick or Treat for me, I received the worst news anyone can hear delivered in the worst possible way. “You have cancer. “ I actually had a hint of what the news was going to be because of all of the testing ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=181 Dan is very depressed these days. His energy level is extremely low. It is what it is, and there is not a darned thing I can do to help. He has told me so. Halloween will be one year since he got the diagnosis. I have given up trying to figure ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=182 On the 22nd of September I went for my three-month check up at the Dattoli center. I had the usual blood and urine test, CT scans etc. I was surprised this week when I received a letter from the Dattolli center with the following ominous note in it: ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=180 Quite some time ago I made a decision not to post on this blog for awhile. One of the things that a serious illness does to a relationship is create more tension. DUH! Writing often on this blog only made me think even more about the cancer. I was already thinking ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=179 I went for my three-month post treatment checkup on Friday. I was fully checked out with several CAT scans, blood work and a physical exam. All showed nothing of interest to Doctor Sorace. I was particularly interested in the DRE, not that I like or enjoy the exam but it ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=178 Went to see my general practitioner today for my annual physical. My annual physical is where this blog started just one short year ago. That is where I first started to get an inkling that I might have a problem. From this single visit to my doctor my life changed ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=177 It has been a while since I posted… a month! Man PCa has obviously not been on my mind! When I last posted I was about to return to Michigan to finish my summer vacation. My wife’s aunt who lives down the way from us was going to celebrate her ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=175 One more day! One more treatment! I am chomping at the bit, as I am sooooooooooo over seeing doctors, having procedures done, and generally being poked and prodded not to mention being radiated. I was at the Dattoli Center today for my treatment and, as there always is, ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=174 Just short post to let you all know that I am WOI (without internet) until the 4th. I am currently at home in Tampa to see some friends and our house has the net shut down. I didn’t expect to be here this summer so we shut it off. I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=173 I find myself here in Sarasota for nearly a week now and I just today had my first of eight IMRT follow-up treatments. I had to get new CT scans and X-Rays so the Dattoli Center could plan my post seeding IMRT treatments. All of this was done last week. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=172 Well I am on my way. Just about all packed and we get up at 4:00 in the AM to get to the airport for a 6:00 AM flight. I have no reservations about the trip at all, at least medically. I at this point feel this is the last ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=171 The article, mentioned in my last post, about this blog was published in the San Francisco Chronicle. I was busy and haven’t been on the blog until this afternoon only to find that the traffic that is coming to the blog has increased over 5 times. I am stunned and ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=170 Well I am all settled in at our summer retreat home in northern Michigan and I haven’t had much going on with, as we have come to call it…. “The Situation”. Physically I am doing very with regards to …. “The Situation”. I will however have to return ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=169 Most of the support that I get in dealing with Dan's diagnosis comes from mailing list on the Internet. I correspond with other women who are dealing with the fears and uncertainty that I do. Life with prostate cancer is often referred to as an "adventure" on these lists. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=167 Here I sit on the last day of school thinking about the year I just endured. It is the time of the year you do these things when you work for a school. You look back and reflect. You make note of the good things that happened and for next ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=166 I have generally preferred the company of elderly people. I was blessed to have come from a family that provided me with a total of sixteen great-aunts and uncles most of whom never had children. So as a little girl these people were my earliest companions and my greatest ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=165 Both Dan and I have mentioned our friend who was diagnosed with a stomach cancer five weeks ago. This man had no symtoms other than what he thought was indigestion. One day he experienced tremendous discomfort while eating and within a few days the diagnosis was in. I ran into him while ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=161 "Dog Shooting At The Moon" Jean Miro I just read Dan's last post in which he says that he thinks that things are worse for me because I am afraid of losing him. Things are not worse for me. Bad, worse, worst- that cannot be measured or compared. What the diagnosis ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=158 This is good for me as it to me means that things for me are getting back to “normal”, whatever that means. I had a brief hiccup when my last blood work came back and it showed my liver numbers a little elevated. The nurse put me on ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=157 Cancer is in the back of my mind, and a good way to keep it there is for Dan and me not to talk about it. There is only so much talking one can do. Dan's attitude is what will be will be, and he is correct. Ultimately, we have ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=156 I have just lost a signifiicant sum of money in a business transaction. No big deal though. I would much rather rack up a whole bunch of losses involving material things than lose the husband I love. Can I bargain like that? Does it work that way? ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=155 I just got a statement today from our insurance company with the charge that was paid to Sarasota Memorial Hospital. It was $38,825.12!!! This is a HUGE amount for a stay that lasted only 23 hours. This I believe is part of the problem that I was ranting about in ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=154 Dan and I have been living with cancer long enough now to see that at least for now there are periods of high intensity like when he is expecting the result of a scan or blood test, but the month of April has been somewhat of a respite from cancer ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=153 I feel very fortunate for what I have, I have a supportive wife and friends, I have a good job and I have many good people that I work with. Most importantly I feel very fortunate for the benefits of my job. I am a teacher and with that not ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=152 One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the knowledge of the emotional pain that Dan is carrying around. There is absolutely nothing I can do it assuage it. I just read his recent post, and it hurts my heart so. This is the first time in ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=151 The seeds that were implanted in me were Palladium 103, which is a radioactive isotope of palladium. The half-life of this isotope is 17 days and what this means is that every 17 days half of the radioactivity is gone. I just passed that point, the first 17 days. I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=150 My last post reminded me of a poem and a poet I admire so much. A Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=149 What happened this past Saturday was significant because it was the first act that we have taken toward the future since Dans' diagnosis. We purchased appliances for our vacation home in northern Michigan on the beautiful Leelanau peninsula. Dan and I are not rich. It may sound that way because we ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=148 I had a good long conversation with one of our dear friends today. She asked me if Dan and I ever have normal days. Absolutely we do. For now and hopefully for many years Dan will feel good. Prostate cancer does not make a man sick right away like some ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=147 “The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy.”Eudora WeltyI have always loved quotes. They bolster my spirit. Reading has always been one of my best friends. I am working hard to look for the good around each corner. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=146 Well, Dan and I had a really nice Saturday. I just read his latest post, and I publicly want to say what I love about my husband most. I love Dan's sense of humor. We have been watching funny DVD's often. Currently we are looking at Larry David's Curb Your ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=145 Well today is one week since I left the hospital and things are very good. I did initially have some upset stomach problems and soreness but this has cleared up. The last three days have been exceptionally good for me. I have been busy at work and I feel like ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=144 I am just going to assume that this post of mine will resonate with some of you out there.I am so conscious that there is a huge part of myself that delays gratification, postpones pleasure, denies myself rest and so on. Shortly after my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=143 This is strictly an informational post. I just want to tell people something that I did not know until seven years ago when my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.It is the differentiation of the cells of the tumor that are the most important prognosticator for survival. Three men can ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=142 It has been a while since I posted. There is a reason for that, and it is this. I must distant myself psychologically from this cancer diagnosis. It is not good for me to be reading and writing about it so much. It is not good for ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=141 Seeds Have Been Sown.....73 of them. 73 pieces of metal that are currently radioactive and killing the cancer within me and they will be in me for the rest of my life. I can’t hold children on my lap but they can sit next to me for a few months. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=140 Today I went to Sarasota to get my pre-op workup. This consisted of me going to the Dattoli center and getting an ultrasound to measure the size of my prostate so Dr. Dattoli can plan the placement of the radioactive seeds that will be implanted in my prostate on Thursday. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=139 Again I find that a week has gone by since I have blogged and I find that I am a week away from getting implanted. I will become the man with an atomic prostate unable to hold small children in my lap. Not that I have any running around but ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=138 The struggle of man on earth is often compared to Sisyphus of Greek mythology who was condemned to roll the same boulder uphill only to have it roll back toward him. Again, Sisyphus kept pushing the boulder upward. And that is where I find myself at present. I cannot control ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=137 .... I haven't blogged in seven days. Well I haven't been in the space where I needed to talk about, "THE SITUATION", as Paula puts it. Somehow in my mind I have gotten to a plateau of some sort and I haven't been obsessing on my cancer or the treatment I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=136 No one will disagree that we are a culture who belives in doing things as fast as possible. I absolutely and totally refuse to multi-task. It creates stress for me. I like to take my time doing things carefully and calmly. All things.So what if things take longer to get ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=135 I was just noting to Dan that I noticed our blog entries had slowed down. And we both agreed that not much was going on right now as far as THE SITUATION. Makes me realize how stupid I can be about getting upset about anything because everything in my ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=133 Well, spring is around the corner. I know because my eyes itch and the top of my mouth itches. Dan and I are going to have to forbid our furry critters from going outside for a while. They bring mounds of pollen in to our house. And I have ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=132 I can have the seeds implanted now because I checked out OK with my Urologist yesterday. As it turns out I don’t have any obstructions and I do not need to have the green laser treatment I talked about earlier. So my appointment for the implant has been set for ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=131 Dan and I are not doing a very good job lately at connecting. There are many reasons for this: #1 He is a man. I am a woman.#2 He is methodical about dealing with things. He does stuff, and then crosses it off his list. In some ways, he has been ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=130 I haven't felt inspired to post of late; In fact I haven't been obsessing about my cancer either. I wonder if they are related. I have been returning to some of the things I enjoy doing more. I have been programming more, which I haven’t done in quite a while. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=129 Remember back in December when I thought that I was loosing my mind? Well I was talking then about the side effects of my androgen deprivation therapy that I could look forward to, such as: hot flashes (these may go away with time)breast tenderness and growth of breast tissueosteoporosis (weakening of ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=128 I just read Dan's post. We have to let go of the idea that the doctors are looking out for our best interest. VERY often the procedures they recommend are because they know the insurance network with which they are involved will cover it with no problem. If you ask ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=127 Well yesterday Paula went with her sister and aunt to Mount Dora to go to a twice a year flea market. So I had the day to myself. I went to USF, our local state university, where an event was going on that a friend invited me to. I saw ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=126 I just read Dan's post. I remember when my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went with her to all of her initial appointments. She asked Dr. Cox at Moffitt if there would ever be a time that she would not be thinking about cancer most of the time. Dr. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=125 Well I have made it to work four days straight. A record since I started my radiation as I took off at least one day a week because of my fatigue. This too has been lifting and I am staying up a little later each night. My radiation treatments are ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=124 This will be a short one. D. and I had a big talk. Mortality is in our face big time. And not just for him.I have no reason to believe that either one of us will be alive in five years. And I have no reason to believe that either ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=122 sorry readers if some of my posts are a bit didactic- just can't get away from behind that podium ya know-thirty-two years of teaching high school kinda gets to be a part of you-so this morning I wanted to share something that might help someone out there-1. I believe in ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=121 Ok, I danced part of my too big butt off to the Stones, Lou Reed and Chrissy Hynde--- all of the raging passionate rockers- Back in 1963 when I was in seventh grade, I knew that I had a hankering for the angry and the dark when I first ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=120 The older I get the less I give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of me. I am sick of smiling and making the best of this cancer situation. The radiation is over. Seed implants are scheduled. Ya dee Ya dee Ya Da. I am sick of hearing about cancer, reading ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=119 And it ain't. I'm only about half way done with my treatments. But I did get a certificate to prove it for finishing my radiation along with a computer generation of my prostate and bladder. When the techs gave it to me I laughed. It was unexpected and yes I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=118 Oh, how I miss my people who have gone before. What I would give for an afternoon of conversation with the beloved grandmother I called "Mamie" Mamie's home was my refuge. My parents were fiery fighters in a very unhappy marriage. They had to get married in 1950 due to ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=117 I stopped worrying about money when I watched my mother die of cancer. I was thirty-nine years old. My mother was a woman who worried and agonized about the almighty buck most of the time. It was the topic of many of her conversations. If you are spending a lot of ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=116 One more day. Just one and I will be done with the 3-hour morning ordeal. I’m not complaining, I am just glad it will be over. All and all the treatment has been quite tolerable. I am buoyant in my attitude and look forward to the last part of my ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=115 It was good to hear from you. In response to your saying that we are doing well with all of this, I will answer that in my opinion, there is no choice but to make the best of what we have here. We totally do not like it. Sometimes I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=114 I have read and received a few posts/messages from the spouses of people who have cancer. This blog is as much for them as it is for the ones with the disease. Cancer affects us big time. It is in our face 24/7. It can be scary. It ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=113 I can see it now. It is only this Thursday and I am done with this part of my treatment. Four days, one audio book, and 538 miles and that will be it. Not a mile too soon either. The fatigue is really getting to me. I slept last night ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=112 I know that Paula is worried about my fatigue but this is part of what I have to endure and I am almost done, only 6 more treatments. Only 806 miles more. Every Wednesday is see the nurse day and after my radiation treatment I go and see my nurse Sheri ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=111 This is a hard week. Dan is in his fourth week of radiation treatments, and it appears they have taken quite a toll. When he is home, he is barely mobile. He gets up to use the bathroom or go to the kitchen. He also seems much quieter than usual, ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=110 Thanks, Ruth for the plug for exercise. I know that Dan can at least walk around the block with the dog. I also have learned from my own problems with depression and malaise that exercise gives me more energy.Maybe Dan will start. I have our bikes in an easily accessible ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=109 The drive and fatigue from the radiation are catching up with me. I got about 10 hours sleep last night but still I feel tired. I did have to get up at least 5 times and I think that this is also affecting my sleep. I only have 9 more ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=108 I just want to say that Dan is handling all of this admirably. The daily drives to Sarasota and then back to work are not fun. I accompanied him earlier this week since I took the opportunity to spend the night at my father's house and visit with my sister ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=106 Today is the halfway point for my IMRT radiation treatments and I feel great about that but the drive is starting to get to me. I am also starting to feel some side effects of the radiation; mainly I have to pee a lot. The radiation causes some inflammation in ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=105 What is wrong with drivers education classes now days? Probably the same thing that plagues the rest of education; Is it apathy, stupidity or just plain incompetence? I was taught in drivers ed, “back in the day”, that when driving in the left lane on a limited access road, or ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=104 Dan and I have not talked much about  death by cancer. I mean we have talked about the possibility that he could die from this disease, but we have not talked about the actual DYING of the disease. We both know the realities, and they are not pretty. People who have ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=103 I have been hearing this or a variation of it from many of the people who are my friends or coworkers. “You don’t look sick”, you know I don't feel sick either. Or “How are you doing”, do you mean my cancer or me? I guess that is what I ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=101 Four months have passed since Dan and I first caught wind of the idea that he may have cancer. Of course, several tests later which involved waiting as Dan moved from one doctor to the next, from one diagnostic procedure to the next....... nearly six weeks passed before we got ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=102 Pills. I got a bunch of them. In general getting old sucks and with it comes pills. Use to be that I only had to take pills for my cholesterol but now that I have cancer I have to take a BUNCH more. Funny thing about all of these pills ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=100 I would challenge you to ask yourself, if you are a man, or a man in your life; " What does your prostate do? And where is it located? How big is it? " I think it might amaze you how little folks know about it. According to Wikipedia it ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=95 When I was nineteen, I was afraid. I was afraid of not really living my life.When I was twenty-one, I became more afraid. By then I had joined the ranks of the nine to fivers. I was afraid of becoming T.S. Eliot’s Prufrock and living a life “measured out with ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=99 Take one twenty-four year old marriage. Add menopause. Add the deaths of three of our parents from cancer. Add a sister’s breast cancer. Add the last year of my thirty-two years of teaching before retiring made pure hell by  an idiot administrator who tries unsuccessfully to convince me to “lower ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=98 I want to take a minute to thank a few folks. I am new to blogs but not to the Internet but I am still startled by the speed at which news travels in the Blogosphere. I started this blog at first to keep things straight in my head in ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=97 I am beat as you can get. I have been getting up at 5 AM everyday to make my daily trek to Sarasota for my IMRT radiation treatments. With my early wakeup, the drive to Sarasota and back, my work, I end up putting in a 12-hour day.  Even though ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=96 Hi Honey,I know that you think I hover over you too much. I am sorry, but it is just that I want to be of help. Please drive carefully, enjoy your Ipod tunes, and PLEASE take days off from work if you need them.I love you very much. You are ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=94 Tomorrow I start my daily IMRT radiation treatments. I’m in Tampa and the treatments are 134.5 miles away in Sarasota. I will need to go to Sarasota for 25 treatments for a total of 3,362.5 miles. That would be a one-way trip from Tampa to Anchorage Alaska. I am going ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=93 Maybe some readers wonder why the wife (me Paula) spends so much time writing about herself. Well, one, I have always been able to communicate better through my writing. Two, when one’s spouse has cancer, you would have to be an icecube not to be affected.I have been doing lots ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=92 I went to the Dattoli Center today for my prep for my IMRT radiation treatments, which will start bight and early at 7:20 in the morning IN SARASOTA. Since I live in Tampa and have opted to drive daily to Sarasota so I could maintain my work schedule the 134.5 ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=91 I have been feeling angry at myself, at Dan, at the world in general. Rational or not anger is a feeling that has really been up recently. Angry at someone who has cancer? Oh, I can hear the judgment. Rational or not I have been feeling angry ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=90 I have learned something about myself during this ordeal. I tend to take on others' emotional pain, and I feel a responsibility to assuage it.I am sure that this is rooted in my childhood. My mother was overly dependent on me-- much more than a parent should be on a ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=89 I have been reading a few articles about men that get hassled or fired all because they have this cancer. I can't imagine. I work at a public middle school and in terms of my cancer everyone has been great. A characteristic that I like about my job is that ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=65 Today is the first day of the year, a new start. Last year we had many emotional hurdles that were presented to us with my cancer diagnosis being the biggie. Paula and I also had issues within our own relationship as well as some issues with some friends. My cancer ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=86 Three hundred and sixty-five days have passed since the last time we were told it was a New Year. When I was nineteen I read a book by the anthropologist Edward Hall. It is called THE SILENT LANGUAGE. In this book Mr. Hall discusses the ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=85 When I was a little girl I loved that Teresa Brewer song called Music, Music, Music. Maybe you know it. It always made me feel so happy and full of wonderfulness when we played it. My mother loved music, and she taught me how to use it to lift my ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=84 Activism, I think, is part of why I started this blog. I wanted to get the story out, my story yes, but I felt the need to tell it. I felt better when I read the many stories of men and how they dealt with their choice of treatment and ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=83 It's so fun to learn new things about the man to whom you have been married for 25 years. I have recently learned that I am married to the Pope of Prostate, and now that having been revealed, I believe that our marriage will be much less fraught ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=82 I have been hanging around today doing nothing in the afterglow of a wonderful Christmas spent with my wife and father-in law. I feel grateful for all that I have in my life, but mostly I am grateful for my family and friends. I have received a huge amount of ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=81 That holiday song about how this is the happiest time of the year has been spinning around in my brain for weeks now. At first it pissed me off. Then it made me laugh with irony. But right now I feel happy. I am happiest when I am not thinking. ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=80 (sung to the tune of "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth".) All I want for Christmas is my prostate fix My prostate fixed, see my prostate is fixed. Gee, if I could only have my prostate fixed Then I could wish you "Merry Christmas." It seems so long ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=78 I'm mad at my dog, her name is Ginger and I have had her for almost 8 years now. She is a yellow Labrador retriever and I have had her since she was a puppy. Up to today I have felt that she was a very very good dog. But ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=64 Well studies say this and studies say that. It always use to be that you were suppose to have a high fiber diet to help prevent colon cancer. Now they have a new one that says it doesn’t help. I have over the years heard conflicting studies and findings about ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=76 Yoo Hoo, Dan. Where are you? This is supposed to be your blog. I am sitting here in the middle of the night feeling frustration. Dan has been depressed more than usual the last few days. The reason why doesn’t really matter. I am certain it is a ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=75 Dan's last post illustrates how one's mind reacts to scary news. I read once that the mind can only hear what it is ready to absorb. That is why it is good to have a trusted person with you when you might be dealing with some heavy information. Dan thought ... http://roontoon.com/blog/?p=74